I Like Roses Now…
For most of my adult life, my stance on the flower ranged from indifferent to full-on anti, but all it took was just one lovely bouquet from one wonderful guy and bam! Everything’s coming up…well, you know.
In other words, I am in love.
In all seriousness, though (of which I have limited reserves), entering into a relationship has also kickstarted a new phase of self-discovery. Funnily enough, when you begin to weave someone new into your life, you also paradoxically increase the focus on yourself as you untangle a whole new set of needs, wants, and behaviors. You’re making space for someone while simultaneously figuring out what that space looks like for you. And, if you’re like me, you have the added challenge of never having made this type of space before.
6 months in, though, and I’m starting to have an idea. Or, at least enough to write a decent-length blog post. Without further ado…
First, relationships are like the sorting hat in Harry Potter. Once you’ve entered one, you find out once and for all if you are someone who likes PDA or doesn’t. Or maybe you’re the third, hypocritical kind: the kind that says they don’t but actually actively does. In other words, maybe you’re me.
Taylor Swift hits different. Gone are the days when you’d have to supplement aspects of your complicated relationship with your father to relate to (at most) diluted themes within her songs. Now, you can apply beloved melodies and heart-pounding bridges to a real-life guy who occupies enough real estate in your head to remember, among other things, their favorite candy and the role they had in their high school play. Swoon.
Of course, on the flip side, you’re now also acutely aware of the fears that often ride the coattails of Swift-core prose. But for the most part, you can keep those fears at bay because things are going well. And isn’t it just so pretty to think that you’ve met someone who has positively enhanced the experience of listening to your favorite artist?
Summer is still decidedly not your favorite season. Still, it’s sweetened now that you’re sharing the best parts of it (Summer Friday afternoon hikes/picnics, mojitos with mint from your balcony garden, beach sunsets) with someone whose company makes it all the better.
Reality TV dating shows should only be enjoyed at the beginning of a relationship - watching them with your significant other is a bell curve. At first, it’s all fun and games until the couples on screen inevitably start fighting for the remaining however many episodes, and suddenly, you’re wondering how you would handle said fight…and then you’re falling down a rabbit hole to the tune of 90 Day Fiancé.
You can’t keep your cards close to the vest forever. Partly because you have more than you realize, and it will simply be too hard, and partly because, at some point, you have to lay them all out on the table if you want your partner to show you theirs. And chances are, your “big reveal” won’t be nearly as smooth, eloquent, or scheduled as you hope. Case and point, I laugh now thinking about how vulnerable I felt when I first cried in front of my boyfriend…until he very gently pointed out that this was not, in fact, the first time. Honestly, as someone who has cried at Birdman, The Lorax, and the ending of How I Met Your Mother (seriously???) I shouldn’t have been surprised.
Conversely, it’s ok - and even healthy I’d argue - to leave some mystery. I had this revelation when my boyfriend was explaining the mechanics of his video game to me. This prompted me to say that I’m cool with being in the dark when it comes to this part of him.
It’s true that confidence is one of the sexiest qualities in a person. But, beyond increasing attraction, my relationship has also taught me that it’s integral to success. In short, you cut through a lot of bullshit. When both parties are confident in their self-worth, what they bring to the table, what they want (and especially what they don’t), there’s no dancing around something. Ok, maybe there’s slight dancing but it’s really bad because you both are not gifted rhythmically.
The point is that you both can feel that you’re doing meaningful work; that you’re laying a foundation that is not only sustainable but sacred. There are days when it won’t feel like work, and there are days when it will. Both come from knowing not just how to stand on your own, but how to stand together.
Alright, let’s wrap it up before this blog post fully descends into, as is the scientific term, mushy-gushy lovey-dovey territory. Let me leave you with this final thought. About a week and a half or so ago, I was eating breakfast with my boyfriend when he asked when I would next post on the blog. Not in an accusatory way or anything, just a genuine, sincere question because he enjoys reading it and knows that I love writing and want to pursue it.
I had been kicking myself for a while about how I had let the blog fall to the wayside (partly because I have been working on other projects…but mostly because it’s been summer and I’ve spent it distractedly in love so sue me). Anyway, his question was the final push I needed to get out of the cycle of non-commitment and procrastination. Because yes, while the blog is first and foremost for me, there’s an audience of at least one person (whom I happen to care about deeply) who is looking forward to what’s next.
And isn’t that just lovely?
Until next time (which will be soon!),
Meredith
